I've been feeling really stressed for a while now because I don't know what to do with my life. In terms of personal growth, I feel like I've not only stalled but actually regressed during residency. I know what I'm going to do in the short term - get married, move to Portland for Holland's fellowship, probably work as a hospitalist next year. But as far as what kind of job I want to do in the long term I have no idea. Right now I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a hospitalist (a doctor who only takes care of people in the hospital, on the general medicine wards) forever. Do I want to do a fellowship? A second residency? Work as a hospitalist long enough to pay down my student loans, then open up a bakery? I have no. clue.
Since I'm clearly not getting anywhere with the being-stressed-out thing, I've decided that for now I'm not even going to worry about what I want to do in the long term. I feel like maybe if I improve my life a little it will be easier for me to figure it out. So here are the first steps I've decided on:
1. Stop when I find myself saying or thinking negative things (most of these right now are related to my job). Try to replace them with more reasonable, neutral thoughts.
2. Get more energy by getting more sleep and eating better (i.e. no candy for breakfast).
So there's that. Headed off to my 11PM bedtime - hey, this is early for me!
